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Today's Empires, Tomorrow's Ashes.'s Journal [entries|friends|calendar]
Today's Empires, Tomorrow's Ashes.

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[31 Oct 2012|11:35pm]
I miss you guys.
5 skin packs *STOP

[10 Jun 2010|04:05pm]
"Your life is defined by its opportunities... even the ones you miss."
3 skin packs *STOP

This screams car accident [04 Dec 2008|12:03pm]
From the back seat I can see
a crushing pain constricting me
I always figured I'd selfishly go
maybe on a beach with a radio
no

Ever wonder what it'd be like?
stopping a fight between a husband and wife?
behind the guns a guilty feeling
but alive and stealing is worth the killing
I've been appointed to go from the beginning

"You don't know
what I've been put through
owning this moment is all i have
you couldn't possibly understand
why i have this revolver in my left hand"

"Quiet now, the kids are sleeping
though through the clothes
and behind closed doors
my broken body is aged and weakening
please, continue discreetly punishing me for breathing"

If there was a heaven I'd be smiling
wouldn't take it back for a minute
turning that weapon around on you
was the best thing that I ever did
1 skin pack *STOP

[17 Nov 2008|04:41pm]
i may have been less of a son
but when bridges burn
while you're still young
some might say the past is the past
well, i agree with half of that
and at the end of the day
when i still don't get your respect
i'll still be that face you'll never forget

i may be a fool to some or all
i may not adhere to your judgment call
i may speak to tall when you're at fault
well punish me for even living
i'll always be that face you'll see
when you're still mending
1 skin pack *STOP

Yes sir, I will. [14 Oct 2008|06:01pm]
The older I get the more I realize I really hate our generations mainstream music. There's a side of nostalgia that comes from anything early 1900's - 1960's. Whether I lived through that period or not, for me, the music showed something that seemed more calm, unintentionally rebellious and so on. Time seemed slower. People seemed more relaxed, yet carefree. You can almost get a sense of how they lived... Personally, it was a piece of history itself, while a huge developing period for America was taking place. Plus, everything I hear now sounds like shit. Disagree? Turn on the radio, seriously. Same fucking song. Every hour on the hour. I guess this music is just a mirror of where we're heading as a country.

Some of the smartest people I've noticed don't have to speak verbal douche-talk to sell you their intelligence. In fact, some of them don't have to talk at all. So many people who believe themselves to be smart, aren't. They're just loud individuals plain and simple.

Also, you know you're getting old when you're out on the city streets and you recognize the young people around you pushing strollers, feeding, burping, and cleaning up after their children. These same people are the tattooed, alternative crowd you grew up with. Not the same exact people mind you, but people comparative enough in their views and tastes that you could trust what they said as something pure; as something you could hear out of a friends mouth.

Like when these same people asked "seriously, who would want kids?!?" Now those same people are huddled together buying diapers and bibs at Target. The same scene who couldn't "afford" children are out getting "real" jobs to support their ever growing families. Am I behind on the times and immature? Does having a child make you any less of a youngster yourself? I mean, will I look my age if I'm carting around an infant? What really makes a man?

Children? I think not.
3 skin packs *STOP

That seven percent of me is gone. [26 Aug 2008|03:09pm]
As the door slams
echoing like thunder
and the specks of dust flow
in front of the headlights
under the moonlight
tonight
i'll follow your trail
the cars still running
i'll leave the lights on
i'll be right behind you
singing along

My intent
I can't express
though i'm not cold hearted
just a bit depressed
reverse the roles
in this catastrophe
give her the axe
make this a bedtime story

Now that i've been seen
obvious i've been caught
busy searching for my headlights
in that parking lot
but instead of a song
that breaks the air
the only sounds you're going to hear
my short breathes
an intoxicated walk
you'll be wading through my blood
as I go into shock

Drain me first
as it was meant to be
and leave the headlights on
as you pull away from the scene
1 skin pack *STOP

Blues and Greens [17 Aug 2008|12:27pm]
Ever get that feeling that when you've been sleeping, someone else has been in the room with you? Not in any weird, creepy ways, just, there in the room. Time tells you it's been hours, and that the said person is right there. So, you sit up slowly, clearing your eyes, waiting for them to adjust, and low and behold, that person, was never there at all. Just a cold antique oak chair positioned crookedly, facing the television across from you, as it's been for days. The t.v. blares words of the latest, most depressing news you've heard since yesterdays topics. This box can't tell you stories, this box can't sing you to sleep.
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a short story [23 Jul 2008|02:13am]
It's refreshing isn't it? Stained finger nails and a pair of shaky wrists you can't rid yourself of. That same feeling you got when you were younger, that rush from a circus ferris wheel and a mouthful of cotton candy. The summer afternoon's passed and the bikes, laughter, and the sound of skateboards crawling along rough concrete go with the drifting sun. Now all that can be seen - a front patio and a sidewalk leading to a dim light-post about ten foot steps into the middle of your front yard, and a world of black surrounding it - this dull ball of off-yellow light touches only the last slither of driveway on the right side, leaving your vehicle completely lost some where out there, only feet away, but a universe apart, even as wide-eyed as you've become.

Dark circles cover your eyes like a night out on the town gone wrong. Mascara, eyeliner, a mesh of blue, purple, and gray eye shadows complimenting each other by bleeding together leaving behind a black-eye masquerade. Simply, you just havent slept in a long while. Could be days; Chances are something's effected you further back than that, and it's safe to say it's taken longer than a few mere weeks. Brittle, glossy hair and a shrinking, though unexcercised body leaves behind one obvious conclusion - you've consumed very little over a period of weeks, and moved even less - but why?

There comes a point in every persons life when they realize they need a change of pace for better or worse. For you it may have been piling four pounds of dirt on a half alive twenty-something all because he was giving you trouble on a bad day, whom you bumped into at a gas station in the middle of nowhere. Burrowing the opposite end of a hammer into the back side of his cranium when he had his eyes placed else where - washing your windshield and pumping your gas all the while. Soon after, dragged by limbs into the back seat of your car, he's left unconscious and you're checking for the shovel in the trunk. Two tire marks and a trail of dirt in the air, the gas nossle off and the pump hose on the ground touching the soil, spilling unleaded gasoline into the earth not far off from where this unsettling incursion took place.

And now, now, now, now after taking it this far you witness first hand that you can't bring yourself to kill this person, or even bury them any further, spastically throwing the shovel on the body as they lay in tears, curled up, shaking in sheer confusion and bleeding from the back of the skull to the puddle of blood leading to the ear canal from the sever concusion not fifteen minutes before, right outside your blood spattered, gasoline soaked vehicle. Whether you act blindly to this or not, it happened. And a shuffle of tight laced boots can be heard at your back door - a small break of silence becomes the calm before the storm.
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inspirational much? [19 Jul 2008|08:14pm]
And now livejournal land, let The Dark Knight icons swarm on in...
STOP

OH NO! AAAH-BLOG! [22 Jun 2008|04:43pm]
You look up power violence and all you get in return are a bunch of hardcore scene teens. Oh, how I miss you livejournal. Really though, I do. I'm so sick of Myspace, it's like crack, why do I blog over there when i've still got this account?!... What the hell does blogging even mean?! Is BLOG even a word?!... It's more like the noise I let out right before someone hits me over the head with a tire iron.

For the most part though, I really miss LJ. I don't feel like I need a bunch of pictures of me up, that's not what people are here for. They're friends of yours so they can read about your life, small problems, big problems, what you ate that gave you botulism, you get the idea. It's a totally different crowd. A crowd for the most part, that's intelligent (or at the very least, well read. Why else would they be here?)

I'm just tired of a bunch of retarded people who only keep me on their myspace profiles so they can 'check up' on me and run back to their clicks and or work places to leak all the drama or trivial bullshit in my life. it's bad enough i had to set that shit to private just to keep prying eyes such as my mother, father, coworkers, etc from possibly reading anything i updated with. You give one person your url and the whole fucking staff knows your shit two days later. anyways, back to my mom and dad, I'm telling you, it's like taking and reading the school love letters i've left in my pocket all over again; How old am i? Seriously, i'm twenty three now.

Twenty-fucking-three. Weird how it's all passing me by. I was introduced to lj when I was... seventeen I think. Which is old for kids anymore. apparently. Most of the kids who have myspace and lj now at the age of seventeen have been had these things for years. It's just funny, the thought of twelve year olds with problems. Even worse is the amount of twelve years old girls with slutty pictures on their profiles. WTF. And you wonder why she's dating someone twice her age? give me a break people.

Anyways, just a quick genuine rant with no thought involved before hand. I don't know if I'll be updating more, but i'm going to attempt it.
5 skin packs *STOP

[18 Apr 2008|03:42pm]
You know, some of these movies won academy awards. Some are classics. Some of which are cult hits. A few are cliches, and others, well, are cliche cult classics. At the end of 06' I did my favorite 25 games... with a very long list for each on why I enjoyed each so much. I decided that it took WAY to long and this time around I'm letting the movies "speak" for themselves with my favorite quotes. Following that I'll present a small reason why I love the movie/a small plot summary. Heres my list of top 15 movies, past to present.

My top 15 moviesCollapse )
4 skin packs *STOP

[13 Sep 2006|05:18pm]
this journal sleeps beyond the flow of time.
7 skin packs *STOP

?!? [24 Jul 2006|12:52pm]
On July 5, 2006, news spread out that an ad released in the Netherlands showed a white woman holding a black woman by the jaw, saying "PSP White is coming." Many found this to be racist because of the physical violence and portrayal of a white woman subjugating a black woman in the ad, reminiscent of slavery. There were two other variants of this ad that negated charges of racism. One had the two women facing each other on equal footing in fighting stances, and the other had the black woman dominant on top of the white woman. Sony claims that the point was to contrast the white vs. black versions of their machine available for sale. Critics claim that these alternative advertisements were created for plausible deniability, and that Sony was counting on the free publicity the "racism" charges would stir up. Sony had stated that these ads will not be released in the rest of Europe nor North America. Sony has recently announced that the controversial ads that have so far only been released in the Netherlands will now be pulled from that country.
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[12 Jun 2006|07:56pm]
i hope the temperature keeps rising.
even after the sun begins dying.
the pressure in this atmosephere is creeping.
even while your dreaming.
this world is full of pricks and liars.
to bad im sad and sick,
because its all of you i admire.
youre wrong. dead wrong.
you woo and you holler;
as im left vulnerable.
laughing and having fun,
while you sit back enjoying beers
in this intoxicated stadium.

group mentality.
IQs drop immediately.
showing your true side in this herd of stupidity.

as things become unclear,
as my form and this car begin to adhere.
youre all out there. on the outside. fine.
everythings so comfortably clear.
fuck you deviants. you hypocrites. you fools.
you laugh at the slightest most insignificant. most cruel.
you get off on the fact, that my bodies not intact,
you scream and you yell, when under that shell-
less than human being, is all that im seeing,
youre missing the fact. your bodies a defect.
a vital piece in your chest has been misplaced. what a mess.
what a mess.

group mentality.
IQs drop immediately.
showing your true side in this herd of stupidity.

eventually,
your brain seems to be
losing itself now,
almost rapidly.
hastily,
i hope this community
is up for a steady decline.
civilized?
yeah, right.
holding on by a thread.
its pathetic; you grab for whats left.
is humanity heading towards a far more unsettling downfall?
i only hope youve become slow enough to know how to crawl.

group mentality.
IQs drop immediately.
showing your true side in this herd of stupidity.

goodbye, kind side. quit biding your time.
1 skin pack *STOP

[17 May 2006|07:20pm]
so, heres the past few days in one post.
birthrightCollapse )
STOP

mr. surveillance. [11 May 2006|09:32pm]
why put out more effort than whats needed?
whats the use in giving up your wallet for something that faults and freezes?
why give the chance. the time of day.
this is all a ridiculous circus. why waste your time?
my veins slowly cross paths. drifting and persisting everyday to my heart.

this is what i need. this is what i seek. whatever justifies these actions. this means everything. unjust above the knees.

so i hear its my decision; to whos appointed to this unprotected prison.
maybe if we ran on natural selection this wouldnt be a problem.
inside-out, im left cold skin. decode, unravel, unfold this casing.
calculate; stimulate; the brains inner workings.
let me in on what youre thinking.

this is what i need. this is what i seek. whatever justifies these actions. this means everything. unjust above the knees.

im becoming indifferent toward your personality. feelings. your entire being.
what were you thinking? who were you kidding?
aging on the outside. fading on the in. where do i begin?
you were told that what you were drinking was water,
go figure you'd drink it down anyway.

this is what i need. this is what i seek. whatever justifies these actions. this means everything. unjust above the knees.

this isnt critical. im more into conversation for the smearing eyeliner.
im not that type of individual. why would you picture me this way?
it excites me to stir-up, i wont quit until i feel better about myself.
what color are your tears? why must my voice carry through the walls?
im an ignorant fucker; but why do you see me this way these days?
mr. surveillance. ms. scrutiny. wont you open me up? please, scan me?

this is what i need. this is what i seek. whatever justifies these actions. this means everything. unjust above the knees.

i consider this is why i breathe. always unforgiving.
5 skin packs *STOP

[06 May 2006|10:55pm]
im keeping anything peotic ive posted online in the past year in one massive post. i dont assume anyone will read them outside of myself, but in one way or another they once held relevance, and for the most part, im happy with them. read them to humor me? starting from oldest to most recent.
ported over from the myspazzCollapse )
1 skin pack *STOP

speak for yourself. survivalist wit, huh? ha. [21 Apr 2006|12:55pm]
no, you know what? for once, i think im going to leave this one to myself.
1 skin pack *STOP

[20 Apr 2006|07:33pm]
im a pasty atheist who doesnt listen/to these chicks and misses/even when its me that may be missing the larger caption-the bigger picture/im thick skulled/memories slowed/im slack with my brain you see/paced with the chemistry/most who dont catch me/dont get me/dont know me-just know/i cant even afford the clothes i hold/living on the floor/to pay for a car/that i dont wish to own anymore/each cent i get goes back to the liquer store/inebriated/because i feel its me you hated/pathetic ways/day by day/living with no dreams/is this ok?/maybe so/lazy for/not getting out and knowing what they pay me for/being me/assuming to quickly/strictly/im more than happy to live/is that not trying to keep everything all positive?/ive got to force myself to be a man/ive got to take a stand/but in the same hand my plan to not fail as a man is always demand/i want you all to know me/just to see through my eyes/i'll be pushed to the back thats just my take on life/i want to fall through the cracks, get lucky and live the way i want to live/but how do you come up when the only feelings you have arent at all that positive?/environment/makes all the difference/ive got no script for this/no time to get me pissed/life is so hit or miss/im simple coming from the midwest/restless/stress this/i need a heater/to become a chest bleeder/heat seeker/wrist slit seeper/grey matter leaker/i guess im just overrated/get my palms on a toaster while intoxicated/'sucks you faded'/but we're all buried in the same position when we're not cremated/thats the world/you come in-you go out/ but how/can i survive by 25?/ive just arrived/plenty of time/or should i-/out myself/douse myself/in gasoline/because i cant mother fucking live 'the american dream'/i stand on my two feet just like any other/stable/able/quick to sit, yes/but i wont live incapable/shit, im like no other/when i wont be heard out-just know what im about/you wont hear me stutter/i wont mutter these words, vocally/chest out/head up/i'll speak as load and clearly as im supposed to be/this is me/i will change/may not know who im going to be/but i know for sure whats good for me/i'll always be the same/even when i change/i'll never forget which and where i came/from/that feeling in my stomach/i get/when things hit me quick/the emotions sick/but i'll be different when im done with this punishment of entrapment/muscle the struggle/man up/suit up/survive or die/goodbye/youve possibly helped me changed my sight/just to bad you had to entirely leave my life/
STOP

[17 Apr 2006|02:38am]
ive just felt a heart break i dont know if im going to get over.
1 skin pack *STOP

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